First order of things, “Get back to work!” — Second order of things, “We just hired you!!” — Third order of things? FREE Whiskey, Billiards, and back-massages for all employees… NOW?! With all the facts (that we’ve just made up) out of the way, it’s time for us to ask you, for your help and consideration. For you see, we have reached this point, this place where we just don’t know exactly what to do about anything, about everything, about something.

This is where you come in…

Help us have direction, a perspective, many directions?? Help us achieve diversity, difference, and indifference (all at once). Help us become engaging beyond what we dream, dreamed, or ever deem possible.

In your reply below, do one item from the list displayed; help us start things off with a bang:

1. Ask us something funny

2. Ask us something serious

3. Tell us a joke

4. Tell us something scary

5. Share a conspiracy involving avocados and beer

6. Tell us in two sentences why you should be president of the planet Jupiter

7. Tell us about the time you ate so much food, the grocery store placed a ban on you (similar to the ban a casino puts on Blackjack card-counters)

Throughout the coming months, we’ll be taking the answers and turning them into everything from hilarious social-media posts to unlikely blog-topics.

Welcome to your new-year, soldier!